Biblical Marriage – The Husband’s Role (Part 3)

Final post in the discussion on a husband’s role in light of Ephesians 5: 25 – 33:

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31″For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

What does “feed and care for” look like in reality? It is not a total denial of feeding and caring for yourself, but rather a requirement to do the same for your wife. Paul puts it another way in Philippians 2:4 – “do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (NASB). There are many ways we care for our own bodies. Obviously, food is one, exercise, entertainment, pleasure, rest, relaxation, etc. The way we stray from caring for our wives in this way, is when we put our own “needs” above that of our wives. “Oh, she can take care of the kids tonight; I’ve had a hard day”. Some reasons are even valid, but just misplaced: you need to exercise, so leave her to clean up or get the kids to bed. Often a husband’s sexual advances, while definitely allowed and encouraged in a healthy marriage, can be done selfishly and without consideration of his wife.

All of this feeding and caring should not be done as an exchange of favors to satisfy each other’s perceived needs, but rather in the spirit of “making her holy, cleansing her…” Our goal is not to keep her (or ourselves) happy, but to make us both better servants of Jesus Christ, set apart for his good work. Ask yourself what needs do you have really? What needs did Christ have as a man? Again we can refer to Paul in 1 Tim. 6:8 – “But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” (NIV)

Paul’s quotation of Genesis here in Ephesians (above) is an important one. From creation of the first man and woman, the design was that the two would join together and become one. This is a supernatural joining, that cannot be separated without much destruction to both. You cannot neglect one part of your body and still be healthy. In the same way, you cannot neglect your wife and expect to have a healthy marriage. It may not be an easy habit to form, but we need to get better at always considering how we can nourish our wives and encourage their spiritual growth.

What is the relevance or importance of the analogy of marriage to Christ and the church? It is hugely relevant and hugely important. This is the reason God hates divorce. The enemy loves destroying marriages, because it confuses and blurs the beautiful picture of the church as the bride and Christ as the bridegroom. We can become cynical or shrug it off as just being nice imagery, instead of it adding clarity and perspective to our walk as believers. He is our perfect lover, who will never leave us or forsake us…and this in spite of our own unfaithfulness to him. He is also our provider, protector, and leader. It is our daunting but vital responsibility to emulate his perfection in our marriages.

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