Biblical Marriage – The Husband’s Role (Part 2)

Continuing the discussion on a husband’s role in light of Ephesians 5: 25 – 33:

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Many times as Christians we read a passage, even feel conviction, but applying that to reality can be tough. What does it look like day to day in dealing with our wives to “wash her with the word”? How do I “feed and care” for my wife? It makes her sound like a cute little furry animal. As is often the case in Scripture, we look to surrounding verses for support.

How does a husband “wash with the word”? Jesus did this for his bride, the church, in his teachings, his instructions, his physical service and healings, and of course in his death. He did these things with an eternal perspective however. He healed the paralytic so that they would know he had authority to forgive sins (Mark 2:10), not merely because he felt sorry for the man. He washed his disciples; feet so they would mimic his act of service, not just so they would have clean feet for supper (John 13). So we, in our service and care for our wives, do it with an eternal perspective. How can I show love, encouragement, and appreciation to my wife in order to bring her closer to God? My goal shouldn’t be to make her happy so she’ll stay off my case, or let me take the boat out. My purpose should be how I can make it easier for her to glorify and honor God in her service, keeping in mind we are “one flesh” and both serving God as one.

Some will say you need to have a devotional together or a prayer time every night when you go to bed. Others will say you need to have a date night once a week. These are all fine things and every couple should determine for themselves what kinds of things work well for them. I don’t subscribe to the theory that if you just do this or that, then you’ll have a great marriage. I think it is a change that happens from the heart and is applied to all areas of your life. For example, you equip yourself in the study of the Word, so that when your wife is struggling or frustrated with something, you are ready to provide examples of Scripture that may be helpful. You be confident in God’s promises to provide the basics, and in doing so become a rock for her in times of want. You be the one to be faithful in your devotional and prayer, leading the family spiritually, and it will encourage her to do the same.

So, “washing with the word” to me sounds like a daily, continual process where you saturate her in Scripture both by word and by example. Err on the side of “by example”, so as not to become one who appears to be trying to take the speck out of her eye while not seeing the log in your own eye. Don’t nag her with biblical commands, but rather lead, encourage, and always love graciously. And know that this is an ongoing process that you will have to learn in a spirit of humility.

Final post to come…

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