A Case Study of an Independent Husband
I was reading a thread in a marriage forum last night, and it really amazes me how so many people enter into marriage casually and blindly. I can relate. I wouldn’t say I entered it casually, but I just didn’t have a clue at the time what it would take to sustain a healthy marriage.
On the forum though, this guy, after one year of marriage, starts by saying “I love my wife with all I have”. He goes on to say how his wife is needy, OCD, and lazy, that she never cleans house or keeps up with her responsibilities. He says when they fight they really go at it, yelling and with such intensity that they are “ready to slam each other against the wall”. Finally, he finishes with how he’s living his own “personal hell” and how he’s had to give up all these hobbies and interests for “THIS”. He advises others to not have children until they are “sure of each other personalities”, and “It’s great to have kids…but the way they zap your independence, sexual intimacy, free time, ambitious endeavors, and sleep in general is not healthy for the man who wishes he could live life a bit more.”
So, I’m thinking to myself, what possible advice can I give this guy? Then it hit me, save the grace of God, there is no hope for him. He has totally been given over to selfishness and sin. Most people can at least be a little self-less when it comes to their kids, but even that is too constricting for his big ambition. Why did he ever get married?
To anyone reading this who is considering marriage, realize that marriage is a life-altering commitment. You cease to be yourself and you become one person with your spouse. So, if you are so ambitious and independent that you will be a caged animal, then don’t get married. Paul even suggested this, but for the purpose of serving in ministry, not serving yourself. Biblically, this means you shouldn’t be having sex either, but that’s another topic for another day. Don’t just enter marriage to justify your sexual appetite. Nor should you do it to increase the ante and keep your partner from growing frustrated at your lack of commitment. Marriage will only complicate an already troubled situation.
To anyone reading this thinking “that’s me”. God help you. Pray right now that he will remove the blinders from your eyes and give you a spirit of humility. Is being independent and living for yourself really all it’s cracked up to be? Think in an eternal perspective, what is all this “ambition” and “freedom” going to get you? You will never be satisfied and will live your life always searching and seeking, creating a wake of destruction in your path. One day, you will wake up at an old age and wonder what it was all for and if there is any real purpose in life. Consider the joy of loving and serving others…selflessly.
