Conflicting Exhaustion
“Honey, I’m home!” Hat goes on the hook, briefcase on the floor, keys on the table, and butt on the sofa. Ahhh…home at last. What I could use now is a cold drink and a newspaper to unwind from the stresses of the day while the wife gets dinner on the table.
Clearly, this is a picture more applicable to 20 years ago, and in today’s world of dual income families it definitely takes on a different form. However, the basic concept is the “what about me” attitude, where one exhausted spouse claims a right to come home and retreat to solitude, while the other is required to serve the needs of the family.
One lesson I had to learn (with plenty of room for improvement!) is that it’s not so much that my wife needs constant help and wants me to wait on her hand and foot, rather it’s that she wants to know she is appreciated. Sometimes, a simple “what can I do to help?” will send a message that you see how hard she is working and that you care enough about her to offer to help. She may not even have anything for you to do at that moment, but maybe what’s really needed is just the adult interaction after listening to kid-chatter all day. Chances are, there was probably a time in your relationship when all you wanted to do was be around her.
It’s a worn-out argument, but often it really is more draining to be a stay-at-home mom than it is to go to an office or job all day. At a job, there are friends, support, breaks, rewards, drama, excitement, team involvement, etc. At home, it’s typically just her “against” the kids, and the little birdies are constantly chirping and needing.
Regardless, it doesn’t really matter whose job is more difficult. Truth is, life is hard and there’s a reason the Bible is constantly teaching on perseverance, faith, contentment, etc. It’s a struggle. There’s also a reason God said “it is not good for man to be alone.” We can compliment each other greatly, and ease the burdens we carry, but only if we work together to truly love each other selflessly. Yes, maybe it requires more of you physically to come home from a frustrating commute and not sit on your butt, however, the rewards in building a better marriage are greater and last longer than your 15 minutes of “decompression”.
